PSRSketchFragments

Sketch Fragments

This is the catchall for bits and pieces of ideas that should make it into a scene someday. Action, phrases -- just little things I want to hold on to.

Without further ado:

• Getting on somebody's nerves by getting the "It's a Small World" song stuck in his/her head. Preferably a sibling.

• Misc. "No xxx Theatre"

  • "No Shit Theatre"
  • "No Content Theatre"
  • "No Love Theatre"
  • "No Future Theatre"
  • "No Contest Theatre"

• HARD CORE PRIEST (use of all caps strictly necessary)

  • Movie Trailer

    • "I know what you're thinking. 'Was that ten commandments, or only nine?' Frankly, in all the confusion, I've forgotten, myself...."
    • Genuflecting with a pistol -- ends with the gun aimed forward, turned ninety degrees sideways.
    • (Mr. Voice) "He's the gangster for God, who leaves audience gasping, 'Oh... My... Lord.'"

  • Band

    • Early 90's Christian punk band
    • Opened for the Pixies in '92 at the Paradise Club in Boston; signed by Elektra shortly afterwards
    • Their first release, Hail Mary, Kill Them All was a seminal moment for 90's punk -- Green Day and Rancid would 'borrow' liberally from this masterpiece
    • Moved to New York from Birmingham, Alabama, where their combination of Biblical references and hard-driving three-chord noise nearly got them shot on several occasions.
• Gibberish songs
• "Ed !McMahon laughs maniacally as..."
• The Mad Video Store Thief
• Green Eggs and Hamlet
• We really need to channel more of our rage into our work. Sketch comedy these days, even offensive sketch comedy, is basically toothless and irrelevant to our time/place.
• "Non-Euclidean Theatre Presents..."

• Products for evil geniuses

  • Bob, do you still have that 'architecting an evil lair' sketch somewhere? (Bob: I think it's only in my head. The deal with the Jacobson property, the overbuilt ventilation system to suck out all the sulfur fumes from the dormant volcano in the basement, the shark tank (big enough to hold Shamu; just like the one at Sea World except this one has a gangplank in case you get into the pirate mood), the security system and privacy hedge, <next slide>, etc.)
• The Austin Destruction Committee -- bringing you chain stores and parking lots since 1994

• A Star-Trek-centered skit

  • Sassy computer?
• Give just a show introduction, a la Buzz Moran's intro to Fearless Fighters (yay plagiarism!)
• A magical power to, at any time and for any duration, turn your life into a soap opera, complete with soundtrack, dialog, and evil twin with an eye patch.
• Bob's Surrealist Game Show
• 12 Grumpy Old Men
• Bring a bone to Gorilla Theatre. This sets yourself up for a 2001 moment whenever you want.
• Madden on Merlot
• There has got to be a productive use for action-movie bad guys. They are nearly unkillable! Maybe they could clean up radioactive waste...
• We need to keep our eyes open during the improv shows to see if we come up with anything that could grow into a good scripted sketch.
• Killer Space Monkeys from Planet Zebulon
• "New F***in' Choice!!!" -- the rude, abusive form of "New Choice"
• The Mad Video Thief
• Green Eggs and Hamlet
• Austin Public Access Presents: "Old-Skool Computer Programming," with Marty "Vax-man" Vangelmann and Albert "Al-GOL" Wise.

• Riffs off of The Prisoner:

  • Gilbert Gottfried shows up to annoy the secrets out of No. 6

  • The Prisoner meets sitcom: Suzanne Somers, John Ritter, and Patrick !McGoohan share a bungalow

    • Oh man -- make this an audio piece just from piecing together dialog .wavs from the two shows.
  • The Harlem Globetrotters, or similarly wacky celebrity, guest star on The Prisoner à la Scooby Doo
• Redubbing Scooby Doo
• Something about Manprov versus Femprov

• Alternate ways to keep kids off of drugs

  • "That's right, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. Cocaine made that happen."

• Sarcastic movie-preview focus group

  • "Yeah, I think this flick needs... um... monkeys. Yeah."

• This Old Death Star

  • Bob Vila and Norm take on a project orbiting the Forest Moon of Endor.
  • "Now the key is to keep the main power conduits separate from the exhaust unit. Otherwise, you can get gunk, trash, even photon torpedoes down there, which can do some real damage."

• Vague Cooking

  • Kind of rips off the "Vague" game show from KitH
  • Professional-looking cooking show

  • "First, add to the thing one cup of stuff."

    • On-screen ingredient list shows: "1 c stuff"

  • Viewer mail:

    • "Last time we cooked 'Stuff with Stuff Stuffing,' and this guy from somewhere asks, 'Where do I get that stuff?' Well, let's have a look at the place that makes the stuff, and the other stuff." (Cut to off-site canned piece.)
• Boston Driving Safety Instructional Video

• Airline safety speech with lucrative cash prizes!

  • "When the oxygen masks drop, if yours has colorful polka dots on it, you win this brand-new GT Camaro!" (musical flourish)

• Through mime, pretend to play a board game; the game gets more and more complicated over time -- e. g. it involves a board, then also cards, then also a pictionary-like flip chart, etc., etc.

  • "You had the Bolshevik Overthrow card the whole time?"
  • "And the Queen of Cups makes that a double Wannamaker. Everybody drinks!"

• Jesus Horror Flick -- a cheerful bunch of teenagers at Bible Camp get hunted down by a vengeful Jesus.

  • They try to escape by boat; Jesus follows.
  • Dead body found under mammoth pile of loaves and/or fishes.
  • Tagline: 'He gave his life for you -- and now it's payback time!'
  • At some point, they kill him in a manner resembling crucifiction, and leave the body in a cave; of course, in classic bad-guy fashion, he comes back to harrass them further.
  • This could be amusing as an audio-only trailer.
• "Foxy Jemima" -- the blaxploitation moonlighting job for Aunt Jemima

• Klik'n'Klak's guide to Machiavelli

  • "Now remember, you want to be sure you kill your enemies whole family, 'cos you don't want somebody coming after you -- like my brother." "Or my brother." <chortling>
• Yosemite Sam in therapy.

• Some suggestions from my sister:

  • Vegetarian goes to restaurant/party where host insists that the food is really meat free...
  • At funeral, inappropriate guest invites everyone to go bowling/to Starbucks/to the shooting range/home to watch the batchelorette afterwards
  • At beauty salon, middle-aged woman insists that hairdresser should "make me look like Audrey Hepburn"
  • Peace rally deteriorates into huge riot---orignal organizers adopt a "take no prisoners" stance

• Drunken German nuclear physicists -- "Why Hitler never got the bomb."

  • <German accent> "Just string him along, Werner. He's the one that keeps sending ze women and ze kirschwasser."
• "Robolizard... versus... Electrogirl... DATE!" (Tekken meets dating sim!)

Footnotes