Out of Bounds 2003:

Wine Pimpz

Revision Notes

Revised Script

What Needs Fixing, and How Badly Does It Need to Be Fixed?

The Peter sez:

Okay, my big problem with this one is one of arc. We go from 'zero' to 'incredibly offensive' in one line, and I'm thinking an arc might be handy. It's sort of like right now we have a Heaviside function, and we might could use a sigmoid shape, for offensiveness vs. time.

We should also, as per Bob's recommendation, tie this in with the Three Characters sketch.

Also, I personally would like to kill some of the profanity, but that's just because I'm a big prude. And we're on the same bill as NCT. And it would be a really easy edit. YMMV.


Ack. I'm gonna have to have an editing pass at this one.


The Bob sez:

One of a few that don't start with a voiceover.

This is mercifully short at 2:15. Nothing wrong with keeping this short for variety, though it give us room to add some missing information.

The profanity can be toned back, at least the scatalogical stuff. I do like the crack whore line. We also have no evidence of Karen's whippage messing with Ernie's recommendations. Maybe a foreshadowing phone call or mentions of Karen, like "Karen likes the !DeForest?" or "Karen was impressed by the Orson Ridge"

Change Karen to Erin, or to (Dr.) Kathy.

Grab Bag of Material to Add

Footnotes