GuideToStalking

Your Guide to Better Stalking

Premise

Give a series of lessons about how to properly stalk.

Done by giving a series of narrated short lessons of examples of bad stalking.

General Notes

We're going for an upbeat, 50's-safety-film kind of mood, to contrast with the menacing material.

We want to de-creep the stalker as much as possible -- the errors have to seem gauche/impolite for this cognitive dissonance to work right.

Ideas for Lessons

• Never trust the Internet
• Blend into a crowd; hide in solitude
• Know the phone system
• Invest in quality surveillance equipment
• Never underestimate the power of 'social engineering.'
• On the phone, limit yourself to about three seconds of heavy breathing.

(Peter): Yes, it's pretty creepy that I can come up with this list. Isn't everybody glad that I keep myself busy with improv?

Script Fragments

N: That's not stalking -- that's dating. And nobody wants that.

-

M: I'm sorry. I've been stalking you for the last two weeks.
W: God! This is so inconvenient!

Questions

• What payoff ends the sketch? Or can it be worked into a longer sketch-show format?

Footnotes