AustinvilleStorylineHauntedHouse

"A Fine Day in Austinville"

Storyline #3: The Haunted House

Tiffany and the Haunted House: A determined realtor fails to sell her latest property because (to her surprise) it's haunted. She then pursues every avenue for exorcising the malevolent spirit.

Status: One sketch is written (trying to sell the house to a wary customer), another is first-drafted (the goth couple), and the rest look pretty straightforward. The only hole is the exact mechanics of Tiffany finally getting the ghost to talk.

Protagonist

(Why is it immediately apparent that this character is different from all other characters?)

• The show's token yuppie.

  • Dresses as such.
  • (KLK) I have a knockoff Chanel bag for her to carry.

• Professional, determined, and unfazed in the face of adversity.

  • So determined, in fact, that she would never just walk away from the haunted house.
• Friendly, but manipulative.
• Competitive as hell.

Scenes

1. To get a raise, Tiffany has to sell an 'impossible property' for her boss.

2. Tiffany shows the haunted house to a normal couple.

   • The couple gets frightened and leaves.
3. Repeat scene #2 with another normal couple.

4. Tiffany tries to get a priest to do an exorcism.

   • The priest doesn't believe in that kind of 'movie thing'.

5. Tiffany shows the haunted house to a Goth couple.

   • Tiffany assumes the Goths would appreciate the 'haunted' aspect.
6. The ghost possesses a visitor and explains to Tiffany about the property.
7. Tiffany's boss gets hauled before the Realtor Guild and punished.

Scene #3: Selling to normal couple #2 -- Done.

Scene #4: Selling to the Goth Couple.

• This is after Tiffany has tried a few 'normal' couples, and is now reaching more inventive solutions.
• What is the game to this scene?
• Does the Goth couple get into conflict over which of them is 'more goth'?

Big Question #1: What does the ghost want?

Obviously, we can default to 'ghost want scare people', but I think we can top that (even though I am not too conversant with ghost stories).

• What if the house is somehow dangerous (radon buildup, asbestos insulation, etc.)?

  • Thus the ghost is trying to prevent people from living there the only way it knows how?

  • Later on, we can reveal that Tiffany's competitor knew about all these difficulties. (And also bribed a housing inspector.)

    • Thus Tiffany's competitor gets some kind of comeuppance from the Realtor's Guild. :)

Big Question #2: How does this end?

Once we know what the ghost wants, we can probably sort out the ending. Either the ghost gets what it wants or it doesn't, and either Tiffany successfully de-haunts the place or not.

• She evicts it to another location. (... perhaps a property that her competitor is selling?)

  • But how does she do that?
• I think to solve this, we have to solve the 'what does it want?' question.

Other Questions

• How does the bet come about?

  • Anyone feel up for a spoof of "Glengarry Glen Ross"?

    • We could take that hard-core-competitive-salesmen vibe and exaggerate it into the joke of the scene.
    • Tiffany's boss = sunglasses for great justice
  • Also, the scene might work better if there's a difference in status -- say, the bet is between Tiffany and her boss or something.

• How do things go wrong with the Goth couple?

  • Maybe the ghost is somehow not compatible with them.

  • Or maybe they're more enamoured of the idea of a haunting rather than an actual haunting.

    • ("When you said it was HAUNTED, I didn't expect to see BLOODY FACES IN THE MIRROR!!")
    • I like this idea -- the scene could hinge on some sort of argument about 'genuine' vs 'faux' goth.

• Are there any other methods Tiffany could use to remove the evil spirit?

  • Typical "exorcism" tools could include: sage-burning, incense-burning, holy symbols, anti-evil-eye symbols, salt on the thresholds -- maybe she could get so desparate that she almost resorts to sacrificing a chicken? That only works if we can get a chicken. Or goat. Or guinea fowl. Actually, any livestock would probably be funny -- she's not actually going to kill it, but she has to seriously consider it. This of course is made extra-funny by the fact that she's contemplating doing this while wearing her suit and heels.

• What are some feasible 'signs of haunting'?

  • Floating things?

    • Really. Damn. Hard.

      • (psr) Point taken.

  • Otherworldly wailing?

    • Easy to do with an off-camera tape recorder.

      • Cool -- we may have audio-editing possibilities also.

  • Self-closing and -locking doors?

    • Pretty easy. Self-closing can be accomplished by off-camera crew, and self-locking is easily mimed.

  • Signs of haunting that occur offscreen?

    • Say, bleeding walls or apparations or other effects-intensive items.

  • A sudden change in temperature?

    • Less visually noticeable, but actable. Possibly useful for the initial haunting signs.

Footnotes